Turn my world
by Anenihan
Summary: Sarah grew up when she saved Toby instead take her dreams. Grown up dreams aren’t as fun, especially when they come crashing down. As Sarah counts down the moments to her 30 birthday she counts away the years of her life. Can she get her dreams back?


**A/N: I don't own it, wouldn't it be nice though? To own David Bowie I mean... **

**I made some spelling and grammer corrections. If you notice any I've missed please tell me, I dislike errors in writing.**

It had been ten years since she allowed herself to remember that day, those thirteen hours. It had been twelve years since she met the man she married. Fifteen years since she met the man she would always love.

It had been eight years since her first child was born. Six years since her last child was born. Four years since the day he left her alone with three children. Two years since the divorce papers where final. One year since she'd lost the custody battle, and six months since she got the news. It had been two months since she was released from the asylum. One month since she last cried over the loss of her beautiful little children.

It was one hour from the day Sarah Williams would turn 30 and as she watched the clock tick away the last few minutes of her life as a twenty-something year old she let go of it all. Sarah Williams had had dreams as child. She'd been offered those childhood dreams and in a moment of adult like clarity she had denied herself them in a mature, unselfish decision. She had not for a moment regretted that decision. She had watched her brother graduate high school one week ago. Two years ahead of the rest of his age group. Toby was a smart boy, a good boy. She did not regret that decision.

She had instead formed new dreams. Adult dreams. There was no prince charming or cruel king. No castle and grand kingdom. There was only a loving husband, a happy family, a tidy house, and a dog named Merlin.

It had been fourteen years since Merlin had died. Nine years since they were evicted from their house for failure to pay the mortgage. Five years since her husband stopped loving her and started loving others. Three years since her family had ever truly been happy. Four months since she gave up the illusion that it was still possible. Two days since she'd come up with her plan.

Sarah had done everything in her power to rid herself of memories that brought pain. She'd married a man so far from being Him even his eye color was different. She had stopped reading fantasies. Packed away her dolls forever. Even shied her daughter away from fairy tells. Sarah Williams had not thought about that day for so long that when its recollection came to her she put it off as mental instability at first. She denied the memory as fantasy, a dream to escape the harsh reality of three children killed before they had a chance to live. Her littlest hadn't even learned to ride a bike yet. Of course she would revert to childhood dreams to escape the sorrow.

But nightly as she slept they visited her. Spook to her. Begged her to return to them. By day memories returned to her as she sat curled in a ball in the corner of a stark white room. Eventually she could not deny them. They were too real. She remembered to many details. When she told her psychiatrist about this he told her it was her mind trying to cope with the pain. A memory that old (resurfaced after so long especially) would not hold so many details. It had to be a fake. Sarah nodded her head and agreed with him, but she did not believe him. She had not spoken of it again.

It was only now, as she watched the second hand slowly travel around the clock thirty more times did she allow herself to indulge in that memory. She would now admit that she regretted all of it. If she had known fifteen years ago where she would be now, she would have taken the crystal. If she had known twelve years ago, she would not have said 'I do.' She would not have locked away those memories ten years ago. She would have fought harder to get custody of her children. She would have gotten a job if she had known they were not paying the mortgage so he could go watch half naked women dance. She would have given her dolls to her daughter. Read Snow White and the seven dwarves to her son, she would have bought her youngest a bike months before. Sarah Williams had so many regrets.

She could not tell if her next action would be regretted. She could not tell until after the deed was done. She hoped he would answer. She hoped she was not forgotten, or replaced. Had he found another when she denied him so thoroughly? How long had she been gone? Thirteen hours had been only four hours here. Assuming a 26-hour day, fifteen years would mean she had been away 45 years. Her mind boggled at this. So much could happen in 45 years. So much so she almost lost the nerve to call for him. There was little chance he had waited for her for 45 years. Little chance he even remembered her. How many people had wished away screaming babies since then? How many women had run his labyrinth? Beat his labyrinth even? She could not believe that in 15 years, or 45 years as the case may be, that no one had done what she had done.

Sarah Williams, her world in ashes at her feet, chickened out. She could not say the words. As the hands inched closer to midnight she lost her nerve. She would celebrate this birthday alone. Sad and alone… Slowly, she was losing her will to celebrate at all. The hospital had given her sleeping pills before she left, to help with nightmares. She could sleep it all away. Not to kill herself, but to just go to sleep and not wake up. Not until the day after her birthday at least.

Sarah Williams was turning from the clock when the melody of a sad song drifted into her muddled brain. She stopped to listen, but she could not remember the words. He had sung it to when she had finally achieved the castle. He had sung it to her, pleading her to stay with him. She had not recalled it until now. Turning back to the clock she saw she had five minutes left before she turned the dreaded thirty. She whistled the tune to herself, but still no words came to her. When words did finally come, two minutes to midnight, she knew they were not the words he had sung. She had to sing it, something told her, even though the words weren't quite right.

Sarah was never one for singing. But softly to herself mostly, since there was no one else about, she sang.

"How you've turned my world my goblin king

My heart keeps yearning for you

Everything I've done won't stop a thing

The stars keep pointing to you

Been gone so long

Been gone so far

My heart has been too cruel

Just you have been so cruel

Though I do believe in you

Yes I do

I'll live without the sunlight

I'll love within your heartbeat

I can't live without you"

Sarah fell to her knees. Her heart was broken. She could not go on. She would not cry however; she had no tears left to shed. She had shed them all for her children. She had vowed she would never cry again from loss or sorrow. So Sarah sat, a crumpled heap on the floor, dry-eyed.

She did not hear the curtains flapping in the light night breeze. She did not see the hands of the clock move to midnight. She did not feel the gentle caress of cloth floating across her back. She did not smell the coming storm. Sarah was numb to everything. She did not have the will power to call to the man she loved and she did not have the strength to live without him.

"I've brought you a gift, Sarah" the voice from behind her took a moment to penetrate her foggy mind. Even then it was a vague acknowledgment.

Thinking she had finally lost her mind and was hearing things, Sarah answered as she was expected to, though she did not turn to the voice's source, suspecting instead that it had none. "What is it?"

"A crystal," the voice was caressing, instead of smirking. Her delusional mind felt warm, moist breath on her ear and neck. "But if you turn it this way," there was light flashing in her peripheral vision so she shut her eyes tight, "It will show you dreams. But this is not a gift for an ordinary girl who takes care of a screaming baby."

No reply. Curtains moving in the wind? "Do you want it, Sarah?" a hand, a very real, very warm hand, was on her chin forcing her to look up. Sarah opened her eyes to see the source of the hand. Two mismatched eyes stared back fondly. "Then forget about this world."

Sarah was taken aback. She stared dumbfounded at the man before her. He didn't look like an illusion. His hand on her chin, his thumb lightly stroking her check, felt true enough. He certainly smelled real. Finally she found the courage to speak. "You came back?"

"I've waited a long time, I admit."

"I didn't think you'd come back," she rushed on, barely hearing him.

"And leave my heart behind?" he smiled, a breath taking smile that held no mockery. He had a lot of teeth in that smile. It should have been frightening, but instead it took Sarah's breath away. "Why would I wait this long and then not answer when I'm called? That would be foolish, Sarah, my dear. I would have waited a hundred years and more for you."

Sarah said nothing. Not knowing what to say. "Do you want it, Sarah?" he asked holding the crystal out to her. "Love me, fear me, do as I say, and I will be your slave." He grinned wickedly; Sarah was much older now, much more experienced. She blushed when she caught the meanings she had misinterpreted fifteen years before.

Sarah smiled. She had not smiled in six months; it felt odd on her lips. "Give me my dreams, Jareth," his name rolled off her tongue pleasantly. She had denied herself the act of saying it for 14 years. Denied the mental use of his name for 12 years, and refused to even know him as the Goblin King some 10 years ago. Now, his name on her tongue, his hand on her chin, his body so close to her, was enough to send pleasant shivers down her spine. An electric attraction her ex-husband had never provoked.

Sarah Williams could have died happy then. Jareth's arms wrapped around her, his lips pressed to hers. The world around them ceased to exist. Five minutes past midnight on her thirtieth birthday Sarah's world was wiped away. She was back were she belonged, fifteen years later Sarah realized that in 13 hours she had made the Underground her home. She had tried to cover it up in seven years of false love, three lost children, and four months on insanity, but really she had just been homesick. Sarah was home; there was no looking back. She didn't want to look back. It was the past, another life. A dream that came true, only to find out how scattered it was to begin with. This was what she really had wanted the entire time.

Tears streamed down her checks; Jareth wiped them away, but Sarah allowed it. She would never have to cry in sorrow again. These were tears of joy. Sarah Williams was home, for good. "My Queen," Jareth whispered huskily as he pulled her into a kiss that would last an eternity.

Sarah counted the minutes. The seconds. The days. The years. There was no regret in her numbers now, only one happy event followed by another.

One year to the birth of their first daughter. Three years to the birth of their first son. Five years till they discovered magic. Seven years till the smell of the bog of eternal stench finally wore off the dog. Twenty years till their second daughter. Fifty years till another child was wished away. A girl they adopted when the brother failed to even attempt the labyrinth. Eighty-one years before they left the Underground to see Toby get married. Ninety years before Sarah became an aunt and Toby a dad. One hundred and twelve years before their only son brought home a Fae woman. Three hundred and eighty five before they became grandparents. Seven hundred and nine before Sarah began to wonder just how long people lived in the Underground? And just how old was Jareth?

Fiń

_How you've turned my world you precious thing_

_I starve and near exhausted_

_Everything I've done I've done for you_

_I move the stars for no one_

_You run so long _

_You've run so far_

_Your eyes can be so cruel_

_Just as I can be so cruel_

_Though I do believe in you_

_Yes I do_

_Live without your sunlight_

_Love without your heartbeat_

_I can't live within you_


End file.
